This post may not be for everyone as it contains Mature Language and Situations.
If you do decide to proceed, I suggest you follow Dan Savage's advice:
"Coats in laps."
First of all, I should say that everytime I saw Dan Savage UP CLOSE on Saturday, I got totally Star. Struck. I hadn't expected him to be helping out with the line or asking me directly if I had tickets. Can I just tell you that it's so nice to see that someone out there can be a celebrity and not turn into an effing diva? Go Dan!
Secondly, was it me, or did the girl sitting next to me laugh inappropriately the ENTIRE time? Distracting. Then at one point, she turned to me and asked, "Is this one yours?" Uh, no. Awkward.
But, I shouldn't complain. In fact, I should apologize to all those who attended the 6 o'clock showing. I know I was sick and coughing, but I tried to medicate as best I could and hello? there was NO WAY I was missing the show. And I'm so glad I didn't.
If you get a chance to see it next year, I highly recommend doing so. I was very impressed that there were so many entries (43!) I would never be brave enough (or exhibitionist enough) to do anything like that. So hats off to the people who were. Let's hope there's enough interest to keep this going.
As I'm sure you can tell, despite my cold, I had a great time. It was fun and funny and only one entry made me cover my eyes. Most of the entries had a humorous bent and didn't take themselves too seriously (always good). Plus, all of the entries had great music. WAY better than regular porn music. You know what I'm talking about, the bam-chicka-bam-bam, don't pretend you don't.
The twenty entries that made the cut are below:
After discussing with Beard Boy, I remembered this one. There's a camera in a public bathroom which catches a couple frantically making out. It was good, but very short and well, everybody's clothes stay on. Technically not porn. Also, the fact that it was the only one I couldn't remember on my own gets it a lower rating.
This porn spoof was my favorite for a while and ended up in my top 5. The double entendres were awesome and can you ever not laugh at Mike Ockisbig? Also, I think this entry had the best tube sock showing of all (I wish I was allowed pictures).
Brother & Sister
The beginning of this short was pretty sexy and was nicely shot, but quickly lost me as the characters kept stopping and talking about how Mom would be upset with what they were doing. Incest ain't sexy.
Cute and cut well. I liked the catholic school theme (and who doesn't thanks to Britney), BUT it really wasn't porn, but just shots of scantily dressed women.
So. Disturbing. I don't want to judge the S&M scene, but, man, I don't want to see it either. Ew.
Throbbinhood of Nookiehand
Animated genitals. For some reason, this one grossed me out, even though it was just animation. It was still funny when the Space Needle broke off though.
A Hump Entry
The silent movie idea was pretty awesome. The only thing keeping this one out of the running for me was that I couldn't get over the concern that the girl would choke and die on the tube sock taped in her mouth.
Boobs for Brains
Hilarious! This was acted extremely well, except for the ending, you could tell she didn't like that "lotion" on her face.
Half naked roller skating diva eating hostess cupcakes. I thought her angel wing tattoos were pretty cool, but otherwise, eh.
Don't Stop Believin
My favorite and also the winner of the contest. This was a supposed porn outtakes reel set to Journey's Don't Stop Believin. It was clever and you know the Journey is what put it over the top. Street Lights. People.
Dude filmed himself with a cantaloupe. Funny, but a little repetitious, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Also, it was totally gross that he ate the melon afterwards.
Life's Been Good To Me So Far
I liked this little jaunt to the country. I had a hard time picking between DSB and this one as my vote for several reasons: 1) it had something for everyone, 2) it was the only entry that had boy on boy porn, 3) it had the sexiest lesbian porn. But the acting wasn't that great and well, it didn't have Journey.
Poppin the Pink
I hate to be derogatory, but watching a topless girl pop balloons isn't really porn. Is it?
Bo Logan's Jack Off Extravaganza
This guy was AWESOME. With a fake moustache, hideous mirrored glasses, and what had to be a wig, Bo Logan won Best Male Actor award. Plus, it looked like he shot the whole thing himself with a hand-cam (no pun intended, at least not on my part).
Pho King Good
I just realized what the title is supposed to mean/sound like when I typed it out. Too subtle for me, I guess, darrrr. This was the one entry that was the most like regular porn. Nice masks, but not that creative.
Pirates vs. Ninjas
Great concept. I mean who doesn't like 1) Pirates, 2) Ninjas, and 3) Lesbian Porn? Sadly, the execution didn't live up to expectations. Mostly because the acting was, well, terrible. Sorry.
This was like a music video. The "lead" got tied to a chair and watched some other dude have sex with his girl. I liked it. The girl next to me thought it was violent and Beard Boy thought it was adolescent. I wonder what that means.
Cupcakes & Creampies
Again, AWESOME. Hostess Cupcake and Creampie puppets having sex is, well, incomparable.
My Grandfather's Porn
This was found art, so basically old time porn photos. Yawn.