While I've known for a while that my fashion-less ratty old clothes are on their last legs and I've had other wardrobe malfunctions in the past, yesterday was the clincher. You see, I was innocently riding the bus to work yesterday, minding my own business, when apparently the buttons on my shirt decided to revolt. No, not revolt in the disgust others sort of way, which they just might do, but that's not the point I'm trying to make. No, revolt in the stop doing what they're supposed to be doing, i.e. holding together the front of my shirt. I did not notice the revolution taking place at first, as it was not televised, which, phew! Perhaps they should have employed signs and megaphones. Maybe a catchy slogan. No, I noticed the strike whilst alighting from the bus only due to the fact that as the back door of the bus opened, I felt a cold draft. On my chest. Uh-oh. It was then that I looked down and saw flesh where there should have been shirt. Holy Shit My Boob is Showing! Thank goodness I had a coat and scarf on, else the crowd waiting to get on the bus would have been treated to a X-rated scene rather than the soft-porn I had going on. As such, they still saw some pink flesh that could have been my boob - and actually was - but they couldn't be quite sure due to the aforementioned over-clothing and my sudden wrenching of said coat shut. At least that's what I'm telling myself.
I managed to work the whole rest of the day without another flashing, but it was stressful always glancing down at my shirt to make sure it was still closed. I don't think that should be a necessary thought in ones workday unless one is actively employed in the porn industry. You know, I should have been working. I should have been diligently putting together numbers and figures and making pretty graphs. But yesterday was more like, enter number, look down at shirt, enter number, look down at shirt, Shit!, button top button, enter number, and well you get the picture. Not pretty. BUT, like I said, I did make it through the rest of the day without any full frontal nudity.
Until - you knew there was an until - yes, until I was leaving the office. I grabbed my bag and my coat and headed to the little girl's room for one last pit stop before I caught my bus to the Space Travel store. Since I had had 8 full hours of shirt-closure, I had gotten complacent. Complacency is a bitch because, sure enough, as I was walking through the elevator lobby, with my hands full might I add, the shirt buttons staged their second sit in. Shirt flung open to the public. AHHH! I grabbed my shirt, frantically looked around, and hustled to the bathroom.
Of course now I was in full panic mode. As soon as I got to the store, I informed the volunteer coordinator that I couldn't move from the stool behind the counter because I had to have a full time watch on my shirt, lest I scare away any customers. He and The Stranger writer who also volunteers at 826 and who happened to be in the store at the time both think I'm loony and are probably readying my replacement. This one can't be trusted around kids.
Luckily I made it home before the buttons popped open for the third time. But it was close since they let go the second I walked in the door. Fuckers.
In other news, I am wearing a turtle-neck sweater today. I hope my pants stay up.
C'mon C Ro - You gotta let those puppies breathe.
Posted by: JJ | December 19, 2005 at 01:10 PM
I don't know, I don't think they need to breathe THAT much. Stupid buttons.
Posted by: C Ro | December 19, 2005 at 01:22 PM