My mother thinks I'm too opinionated. She's right, of course, but she has no one to blame but herself. I know I didn't learn this behavior out of thin air. Let's see. Yup, I definitely got the book-devouring and the eye-rolling tendencies from my father. This clearly leaves the clumsiness and high-ideals as gifts from my mother. Sorry, mom. Scabs on my knees and ranting and raving? All your fault.
After listening to me snipe for two days, she wants to know what I'm doing to change the world for the better. Why, I'm going to bitch online, Mother! I mean, come on. Duh! What more can I do since I signed the No Volunteering Pact with Muffin? Not that she's upheld her end of that agreement. But I digress.
After much thought, I've decided to sack up and become the first woman President of the USA. Sure I'm not yet old enough and sure I have about 5 million skeletons in my closet and extra sure (solid!) I don't have any political experience. But hey, if W can do it, so can I.
So there. I'm declaring my intent to run. My political party and campaign will be called the Super Cool Party People Party. That way I can capture all the people who only do things because other people are doing them in addition to the actual cool people. I can't see any reason why I shouldn't win. I mean, just look at these qualifications:
- Not a career politician and therefore trustworthy? Check.
- Not alive during Vietnam and therefore unable to be Swift Boated? Check.
- Good grasp of the English language and therefore able to pronounce "strategy"? Check.
- Not an owner of a penis and therefore not able to get in trouble because of it? Check.
billion millionthousandaire? Check.
- Know how to throw a party and invite all the right people? Check.
- Strong supporter of the Constitution? Check.
- Not aware of any assassination attempts on my father? Check.
- In touch with regular America, as opposed to rich as all get out America? Check.
- Can throw a wicked first pitch to open up baseball season? Well, better than some, so check.
- Completely fed the Hell up with the BS that's going on these days? Check.
Yep, I'm definitely a shoo-in. Don't cha think?
I can't wait to say, "You're not the boss of me." in international negotiations.