Sunday, I was riding along in the police car and saw a billboard advertising some faux-fancy European coffee that's being sold at one of the local gas station mart chains. That billboard got me to thinking about how we romanticize all things Europe. Surely, I thought, there are things universally recognized as better in the U.S.
First thing that came to mind: Toilet Paper, even the CDSRoD is better than that crap (no pun intended) sold elsewhere in the world. Oh, and don't call me Shirley. I couldn't think of much else that we're better at though, besides maybe movies and hamburgers but even then they're not a sure a thing as the good ole TP of A.
But that's enough isn't it? I mean, if I were to reflect on all the things I refuse to get on the cheap, toilet paper is at the top of that list. Safeway brand sour cream? Sure. 1-ply generic sand paper? No, thank you.
If only we could harness that power for good. Beard Boy brought home recycled "green" toilet paper once and I nearly slapped his momma. No way, Jose! Only 400-ply, forest clearing paper for my spoiled bum. And until The Man allows nature-friendly paper to be softer than bark, that's the way it's going to stay.
But I digress. My point is, the powers that be should think about tipping the trade imbalance in our favor by introducing Charmin - REAL, made and sold in the USA, Charmin - to the rest of the world.
Wait a minute. Why aren't we doing this already? Is it a secret method for keeping pansy-asses like myself in the country? Uh-oh. Well, if you don't hear from me for a couple of days, The Man's got me in a secret prison for this Toilet Paper Brief. Or maybe it's a holiday and my sister and her family's visiting. I guess you should probably wait and see before mounting the rescue party. You were planning on mounting a rescue party, right?
P.S. Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.
Just for the record, back in Cowlumbus they had a brand of recycled TP that was just as soft as Charmin that I used to buy all the time. Who knew the environmentalists were so much more hardcore out here?
Posted by: Alejo | November 24, 2005 at 09:13 AM