I do not remember a time when the Super Bowl has ever been prominent in my life. Sure, I like sports, but I never really latched onto a NFL team before. Okay, that's a lie, I used to like the Miami Dolphins when I was a kid, but really, that's just because I was a kid and there were magical football playing dolphins mentioned somewhere in there. Yes, I was a fan of Flipper reruns. And look at that guy, he's wearing a helmet and a mean expression. That guy is ready for business!
ANYWAY. This year, I find myself caring a little about the game and the teams that are playing. (I mentioned I live in Seattle now, right?) But it's more about the community aspect of it, I think. I find it terribly interesting how a (winning) sports team can rally a whole city and make them more of a community than any coffee-drinking, tree-hugging, tech-clicking stereotype. All this good will in Seattle these days reminds me of a Super Bowl story - which is not mine, but I'm stealing it anyhow.
But first, let me digress. I've been reading Page 2 on ESPN's site, which has me in stitches. Especially this quote:
"Obviously, American fans always retain the potential to be idiots: it has become something of a tradition for hometown fans to destroy cop cars and steal VCRs any time their local franchise wins a championship, which is weird. Even weirder was a tradition I noticed when I lived in Ohio: whenever Ohio State plays Michigan in football, college kids drag their couches onto the street and set them on fire. Sutherland may have bloody riots and Columbia may have soccer murderers, but neither place can touch Columbus when it comes to couch burning. Still, those experiences are technically detached from the games themselves; nobody ever burns a couch in the end zone or in the locker room. My assumption is that Super Bowl XL will be completely sanguine (Reader's Note: If there ends up being a terrorist attack at Ford Field this Sunday, anticipate this column being used by Fox News to illustrate America's naïve unreadiness)." [klosterman]
He's so right. Columbus does have a lock on the couch-burning, which I always found (perversly, I know) hilarious. Win or lose, kids would riot; burning dumpsters, couches and cars. Tradition, I suppose. The Buckeyes are big on Tradition.
While living in Columbus, I hit upon a brilliant idea: I would take advantage of this fire phenomena and rid myself of the Death Trap 2K (aka my car). I packed up my dog, my crap and my car and moved pretty close to campus. I deposited DT2K on the street and waited anxiously for game day in the hopes that some rioting college kid would tip it over and set it on fire thereby relieving me of my duty to figure out how to legally get rid of the thing.
As a side note, I suppose I could have just parked DT2K on campus and not moved and missed all the lovely 1 hour for 5 blocks game day traffic, but I did so love living walking distance from Benny & Joons and Hound Dogs so I guess the trade off was okay.
Sadly though, by the time I moved to the "right" side of the tracks, the public outcry against rioting had finally prevailed and random Michagan game related burning had all but tapered off. Thus instead of a beautiful Jeanne d'Arc finale, DT2K was left neglected and alone in the street with only the (highly flammable) weeds growing beneath it for company. My roommate and neighbors were less than pleased.
I may be bitter about how my brilliant plan failed, but I think perhaps Buckeye fans take their team, um, love past the point of admirability. Case in point, a woman in my old company got wacked on the head for wearing a Michigan t-shirt to the office. Seriously. I'm not making that shit up. Sure, the place wasn't a bastion of professionalism, but that's a little much, don't you think? Also, an old roommate of mine got the finger from random people on the street while driving a rental car through Columbus with a Purdue flag on it. Is it me, or is that just weird? And don't even get me started on how creepy and weird Brutus' head is or how ugly those buckeye necklaces are. That's not to say that I'm not a fan. I did cheer for them when they won their bowl game, but some people are just Freaks.
Or maybe that's just the evil side of it. Check back tomorrow for the aforementioned stolen Super Bowl Story which happens to be my favoritest football sports story EVER and a nice counter-point to the Columbus OSU Freak Show.
She should never have worn that fucking shirt. That's all I've got to say.
Posted by: Alejo | February 05, 2006 at 08:30 PM