You know what pisses me off? Okay, I do know that making a list of things that don't piss me off would be easier, but do you know what pisses me off today? Yes, it is my mother fucking printer. I hate that god damned thing. First off, it's loud. I cannot answer my phone and actually hear people when it's printing. Second off (is that a phrase? It is now bitches.) Second off, it's EXTRA loud when it's complaining that there's no paper in there even though there is p l e n t y of GOD DAMNED paper in there. Please, please, please printer, stop pretending to need something when you got plenty of that something in your paper tray. Get it? Got it? JESUS.
And while we're on the subject of office supplies/machinery being douches, I really hate it when staplers don't do their jobs. You know, like you're trying to staple a stack of papers and the stupid staple gets all bent up weird or doesn't go through the whole stack? I mean, thousands of years of evolution and we can't build a freakin' stapler that will work consistently?! That's no intelligent design, people. That's retarded design. Okay, I know it's terribly gauche to say retarded, but I can't stop it.
So my printer and staplers, they're on my shit list. Also on my shit list? My dumb ass home computer. Yes, it's still blown up. I hate it. I hate it because I'm going to have to wipe my hard drive and it's not so much the pictures and rescue back-up crap that's on there, but now I'm going to have to figure out how to get all those programs again that I maybe didn't actually pay for myself. ARGH.
What else can I bitch about? Oh yeah, I just spent 10 minutes in the bathroom just now because I the stupid toilet paper roll wouldn't give me more than scraps. I really really hate that. I would have kicked the damn thing, but um, yeah, the pants around my ankles didn't allow my foot to go up that high.
Also? The work email is broke. It's a confluence of machinery disfunction around here. I swear it is not user error. Well, I hope it's not user error, cuz then I'd have to kick my own ass.
But, there is good news around here. The Economist sent me a package of goodies that included one plastic turd (as pictured above). I love it. In fact, it's sitting on my desk right now ready to be noticed by any and all. I hope the cleaners don't toss it out.
You know what else? Sitting at home I have a newly purchased Star Wars egg decorating kit just waiting to be used. I can't wait to make my Yoda and R2 unit eggs. They are going to be so rad they will blow away all computer based hatred in my apartment. Life will be good again.
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