Noses, toes and no beer

I totally can't believe this shit. So, I signed up Beard Boy and myself to volunteer for the Seattle International Beer Festival that's going on at the end of June, right? And somehow, somehow, that bastard was accepted and me, not so much. What's up with that? I've totally started to obsess.

Okay, maybe not "started to obsess" so much as added to the list of things I'm already obsessing about. For instance, every time an IT dude calls me, I immediately turn off my browser and clear my cache. Just in case.

Yes, I'm a freak.

But I'm not the only one. Case in point: last Friday I was riding the bus to work. Now, I usually take the 7:07 bus in order to leave myself time to get coffee and because I like eavesdropping on the other regular riders. This day, however, I was a little too slow in the morning and ended up having to take the 7:19. So there I was, minding my own business, blanking staring at the riders across from me when I noticed that the man across from me was reading some sort of Opera journal. Who knew those existed? Anyway, it piqued my interest and while I was trying to figure out the name of the journal, I noticed him digging in his nose. I mean, really going at it. I don't want to gross you out too much, so I'll just say swirling was involved.

I know! Gross! I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt because he seemed really into his journal and maybe his nose itched and he was picking unconciously. But wait, there's more...yes, you knew it was coming. A second later, he put that same finger in his mouth. I don't believe I've witnessed a person eating their boogers since pre-kindergarten. God. A grown Opera journal reading fairly normal looking man eating his boogers in the most public of places, the bus. There's no illusion of privacy there! Not that him doing it in private would make it any better, but at least I wouldn't have to watch.  I'm shuddering now just thinking about it.

But wait! There's STILL more. So, I tore my eyes away from this foul deed and looked down...to stare directly at the mangled feet of the woman across from me. And I am not exaggerating. No, in fact, I think mangled may be understating! Now, I'm sorry if you've got deformed feet, lady, but have the decency NOT to wear open toed shoes. That's just not right. I don't even like looking at regular feet and this? My GOD, what had I done to deserve this?

It was at this point that my head exploded. I mean, booger eating and mangled feet are too much for me at any point in time, let alone at 7:30 a.m.? Before coffee? I couldn't cope. Especially since all this was on top of me accidentally throwing the conditioner bottle on my foot in the shower that morning. I should add, that although my foot was not mangled, merely bruised, I still covered it up so as not to gross out random strangers on the bus. I, my friend, am considerate like that.

And to think they don't want me to pour beer. Three words: Stop the insanity!

Comments

[Phil]

If you pull that paragraph about me, I'll give you a free subscription to the Opera journal.

[alejo]

This bastard's getting free beer, baby! Bwa-hahahaha hahahaha!

[C Ro]

Phil: Sorry, I can only be bought with booze or Fluevogs.

Alejo: Crisis averted. Beer email has arrived.