She Likes It

at six and a half weeks

what rain?
Westport, WA, March 2009

When I was younger, say early twenties and prior, I was a type-A personality. You know, clenched up diamond producing ass, anxious about everything. I freted about any and all things: grades, following the rules, does anyone like me, blah blah blah. So much so that when I finally broke some rules, I went a little overboard. And yet, living with the mistakes I made back then taught me that although there are always consequences, ones life doesn't have to be over if things don't work out as you'd always planned/hoped. I suppose this is something that most people learn. It's called growing up and also being in your mid-twenties.

Late Monday morning, I boarded the southbound train for a quick little trip to visit a friend in Olympia. It was a marvelous little escape. I stocked up on puppy love and chats and wonderful food and coffee. It was also very nice to catch up with my friend.  Cheryl is such an amazingly beautiful woman, in all senses of that word: physically, she's wicked smart, and so caring and loving. When I am with her, I feel centered and happy. Not only is she a great friend, she is, quite frankly, the woman I aspire to be.

As she was driving me back to the train station, she asked me, "When the revolution comes, what will you do?" Meaning, what skills can I bring to the post-apocalyptic world? As she pointed out, copy editing is moot if there is no printed word. The funny thing is, this is something I had been thinking about seriously already, what with all the zombie reading I've been doing and also the not having a job thing. I can shoot a shotgun fairly accurately, that is pretty valuable until the ammunition runs out. I can also make cheese. Will these abilities be enough to barter for food and shelter?

I am very glad I am not the girl I used to be. I am so very grateful for the perspective that I have learned so far. With that, though, comes the knowledge that I have so much more to do.

Am I a strong, independent woman?

Mostly. I still have a lot to do to even come close to my aspirations.

Do I have marketable skills?

I think so, but clearly I need to focus on some practical fall backs, just in case.

Do I settle?

Maybe. For instance, in the last job I had, yes, I loved the people I worked with and, yes, it paid well for the job I was doing. I mean, it did support two people and a cat for a while. But often it wasn't that intellectually stimulating and it didn't satisfy that old vestige from my early days to be "of use." I am unsure if the fact that I stayed there for close to four years is settling though. I mean, I don't expect one person to satisfy all my relationship needs, why would I expect one perfect job to be out there to fulfill every job related need I have?

If I had a puppy, would I have less time to navel gaze?

Oh my, yes.

First Round, Day 2

young bikes in love
Port of Seattle, March 2009

Was just talking to Em and she pointed out that this is the first year that the both of us have been home to watch the tip off of the first game of the NCAA tournament.  Too bad we're living in different Washingtons, because this tournament could have been crazy. It's pretty awesome though. At one point yesterday, I was watching one game on the TV and another on Delores. As my cousin pointed out, I'm effectively being paid to watch basketball this week.

In other news, I went out with a friend of mine last night.  After some music, a full court press, lots of talk, and a little beer, I got on the hour long bus home. I grabbed the back seat, as I do, and put on my headphones. Something with the way the bus was moving made me feel a little queasy, so I spent a lot of time focusing on the word "Poop" that was graffittied on the seat in front of me.  At some point in our way through downtown, a fellow drunk person got on the bus and sat in the back seat on the other side. We made it a few blocks before dude started puking(!). SO GROSS. I didn't see anything, but I could totally hear him despite my noise blocking headphones.  Of course he stayed on the bus the whole time (mine is the last stop) and continued to heave every couple of stops.  A girl got on and sat in between us for a minute, but then of course promptly moved as soon as she heard. I can't believe I didn't hurl as well. I am a champion.

Tonight is the series finale of BSG. If I don't watch it, does that mean it'll never be over?

Happy St. Amateur's Day Eve

Sailing Away
Elliott Bay, September 2007

Not that I'm not totally turning back into an amateur these days. Seriously, the past several times I've gone out for cocktails, I've totally gotten out of control with the talking and making people feel uncomfortable. It's like turning back the clock to high school! So awesome (yes, I'm being sarcastic). Not that I haven't had fun, I totally have. We've been out to see some great bands lately with some seriously fun people that have forgiven me for saying weird and inappropriate things to them. Read what you will into that one.

If we're looking at good news though, I do have some of that too: I can say that I haven't fallen down in a while. In fact, I'm sure it's been way past the two year mark so I have clearance from my sister and brother-in-law to get a motorcycle. Except now I don't want one. Dang it! I bet that was part of their masterplan, evil geniuses that they are.

I also have a phone interview today at noon. I'm not sure it's for a job I want, but I will know better after the interview. Good thing too, since the severence has taken a dive in the past week and I have to wait until sometime this week to get my first unemployment check. Oh money, how I hate you.

So, we started this yoga class on Sundays. It is slowly getting ridiculously hard. Yesterday, there were two positions I could not do at all and the instructor looked at me at one point and said, "Yoga is humbling." Thanks, thanks a lot. That said, I am enjoying it and can totally see me doing this regularly even after our initial 6 week class is over. But, now that I think about it, anyone who really knows me could have predicted that I would love any exercise regimine that encorporates laying down for 5 minutes and focusing on breathing. Yep, definitely my speed.

If you're keeping score at home, the book total has increased to 4 finished, 2 in process. Added a new video game to the repertoire: Gears of War 2. Number of spa visits/massages is now at 2. Bands seen is at 3 (well, more but I'm not including bands seen while there to specifically see another band): The Duhks, Pack A.D. (fav. so far), and Thee Emergency. It's been a busy 5 weeks.

I could get used to this

window flare
Paris, France - March 1991

So, week four is here and rather than getting antsy about being home a lot, I find that I have really begun to enjoy my time at home. I have read three books and am in the middle of two more. I have started to play xbox online. I bought a new bike. I started (with the companion cube) yoga. I go to the grocery store and make dinner and am generally content with not really asserting myself when it comes to finding a job.  There, I said it. I suppose my severance is going to dwindle down to nothing and I'll be struggling to go on drinking benders on just my unemployment check, but for right now things are good.

Tomorrow I will apply for jobs. I promise.

A friend of mine lent me the book Eat, Pray, and Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  I have been thoroughly enjoying it.  Even so much as to be laughing out loud while the Companion Cube cursed at the computer in frustration - probably didn't help with whatever his problem was at the time - but I couldn't help myself. Besides being funny and thoughtful, it reminds me why and how much I love to travel. I told the Companion Cube (albeit prior to my non-work situation) that I wanted to go to India this year. I still do and this book is only making that desire deeper. I especially want to go with him. Taking someone who hasn't traveled out of the country hardly at all to a place so foreign is probably not the romantic fantasy (not that kind of romantic fantasy!) that I've built up in my mind. However, I do feel like it would be utterly reminiscent of the first time I went to Paris.

I was so utterly excited and happy (and probably being 15 didn't help with the intensity of feeling). In fact, I didn't even make it to the actual city of light before I was overwhelmed with how incredible the trip was. I remember the rush of emotion when we alit the bus in Brussels and wandered around outside the Atomium. I couldn't believe that I was actually there. Which is silly because I had been living in Norway and England for almost a year at that point, but I do think I've already mentioned my age at the time and I don't think that age is known precisely for logic. Everything about that first trip - up to and including getting left behind by the bus and making everyone else hate me because they had to spend the evening at the police station while my companions and I made it back to the hotel just fine on our own - was magical.

Maybe I should have applied for that tour guide job, because how satisfying is it to bring that level of excitement to people? Or maybe I should just move to Aix like I wanted to before I moved to Ohio. Total aside: a friend of ours here in Seattle is from Aix and even though he's happily married and I'm happily with the Companion Cube, some days I imagine kidnapping him and forcing him to take me to his hometown and I will live there happily ever after. Did I type that? Let's pretend I didn't. Ahem.

Moral of the story: I could get very used to this life...as long as we can schedule in some international flights.