She Likes It

DVR killed the BetaMax star

We went to see I am Legend on Sunday. I am going to have to buck the trend and say that I actually liked it. Of course, this is only due to the fact (or so Beard Boy avers) that I haven't read Matheson's book. I can't argue with him on that too much, mainly because I was a super-duper-nerdy-nit-picker (aka asshole) about the Golden Compass movie we saw a couple of weeks ago. But don't get me started about that, I will go on and on. It didn't hurt that I am also a super Will Smith fan and well, the German Shepard in the movie was pretty awesome as well. Yeah, I'm a sucker for the dogs...and hot, funny men.

Last night I left work early to get home in time to start watching the BCS game.  First five minutes? Yeah, they were awesome. Next thirty? Way too stressful. Don't tell the alumni association, but we stopped watching the game at some point in the third quarter in order to watch the AMERICAN GLADIATORS premiere that we'd DVR-ed. I used to watch the original AG religiously and we got a bunch of the old ones that were re-aired recently.  So, freakin awesome. The new show didn't disappoint too much. I mean, there was a lot (a LOT) of useless talking between each and every event and a lot of unnecessary cuts during the events, but otherwise, it's still pretty good. Right now I'm in love with Crush a feeling that was solidified when I watched her pound a contender repeatedly with her pugil stick last night. And no, that's not a metaphor. I also think Hulk Hogan (announcer) wears a wig.

<musical interlude>
What's that on your head?!
A WIG!
I said, what's that on your head?
A WIG!
WIG! WIG! WIG! WIG!
</musical interlude>

Ahem. Back to the Buckeyes, I'm not too disappointed in last night's loss, both because just getting to the National Championship Game is an achievement and because I stopped watching. I realized last night that merely watching and paying attention to college football is turning me into a freak. My boss wrote a complimentary blog about Pete Carroll and I was this close to writing a comment about how Jim Tressel was just as good if not better.  Freaky, huh? I couldn't completely stop myself even! But luckily I managed to hold myself to a, "USC is the Duke of college football." and let it be done. Even now though I feel a rant and thus have to change the subject. Thank GOD that season's over else you'd be seeing me on Intervention.

Oh! Before I forget! Happy Birthday, Elvis and Hans!

Last but not least, I do think I informed all my friends not to have major life changes this year as I was NOT visiting places I've already been and because I was planning a party. Sure enough, not even one day had passed before one of them was sending out an email saying she is pregnant.

Jesus Christ, can no one take direction anymore?

---

Wig cartoon from Married To The Sea

Devil Quiz Answers

Okay, so some of these were hard.  Here's the leader-board:

1. McFly WINS with a bruising 40 points
2. Smith had 22
3. My Momma got 14
4. JJ had 11
5. Crafty came in with 10
6. Zee Intern rounded out the bottom with 7.

I can't believe no one else entered. What's wrong with you people? Don't you like free stuff?

So what does McFly win? I am venturing out to the Space Travel Supply shop this weekend to pick out a wonderful prize, which is timely since he's in the process of moving...to Outer SPACE! Okay, okay, just to Savannah, Georgia, but Outer Space sounded better.

And because the rest of you five played my reindeer games, I'm totally sending you guys stuff, too.  Send me an email (pokethekitty at gmail dot com) with your mailing address, please.

Anyway, for those who are curious and haven't yet Googled them, the answers are after the jump.

Who's going to see The Omen tonight?

I'd like to remind everyone that today is 6/6/6.  Some people are calling it the Day of the Beast, but, you know what? I prefer to be called Satan. Beast just seems so, I don't know, pejorative.

I'm not joking. That's right, today is my birthday. WooHoo! I love birthdays (and not just my own, but especially those). I only have one word for you: Presents! Yay!

Okay. I know that was two. Sue me... and feel my wrath.

Anyhow, in honor of the big day, and because I thought, "Everyone loves presents, why not give back?" I put together a little movie quote quiz (see below). Person with the most correct answers wins a prize from the amazingly cool Greenwood Space Travel Supply Store where I've been known to volunteer.

Oh, before I forget, that portrait of myself was stolen from the Fantastic in Art and Fiction collection at Cornell.

And now on to the quiz. Don't worry, it's not that hard. Give me movie title, character, and actor if you know it:

1. What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath-of-God type stuff.
2. I promised her my eternal love, and I actually thought that for a couple of hours.
3. Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.
4. One scoop of creamed potatoes. A slice of butter. Four peas. And as much ice cream as you'd like to eat.
5. Son, you got a panty on your head.
6. Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?
7. That's a bear in a bee costume!
8. Goo is what tape is all about. Goo is what makes it tape. Without goo, it would just be paper.
9. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.
10. Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.
11. There'll be no more picking on Dim. Part of the new way, brother.
12. I don't like potted meat. Daddy used to say they was made out of lips, peckers and intestines.
13. I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen.
14. I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THIS FUCKING COUCH!
15. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog...
16. Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
17. Darling. Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just gonna bash your brains in.
18. Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today.
19. Oh. Where you going?... Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you're out with the boys to boast and brag. YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Oh... I think I love him.
20. We'd better get back, 'cause it'll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night... mostly.

Lists and Movies

I have a new addiction to add to the mix: Lists.  Specifically the site, Lists of Bests. I don't know why, but once I go on there I can't leave.

So now, I've created my own list.  It's my list of favorite movies (in no particular order).  Feel free to visit and argue with my choices.  Movie discussions are some of my favorites.

I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob.

Is there anyone out there that doesn't love Television Without Pity? Well, okay, except those freaks who don't like television at all, is there anyone out there who doesn't like TWOP? That site is fabulous. I tried once to read some of the copy-cats and while they were entertaining, they were nothing like the full-on 14+-page recap of an hour's worth of TV. I even read their recaps of shows I'd never watch EVER, such as Seventh Heaven. Okay, maybe I watched it once, but not ever again! I swear.

So today I was reading awesome Jacob's recap of last week's Battlestar Galactica (yes, I'm a dork) when I came across this gem, "everything that happens has the immediacy and the viscerality of life, and none of the follow-through of fiction." I had to immediately cut and paste.

You see, it's a semi-sickening, somewhat endearing fact that every single time Beard Boy and I watch a movie, and we do watch a lot of movies, thanks Netflix!, regardless of genre or artistic merit, we end up having the exact same discussion. No matter where we start the discussion off, we could be talking about something as mundane as what other movies a particular actor was in, but somehow we always end up with me arguing for realism and him arguing for storytelling principles. We do try to vary it a bit by citing different examples and applying it to different movies, but really, this is The Discussion. I wonder what that means about us? Heh. Heh.

For example, after viewing High Tension a week or so ago, we both started off by ranting and raving about the bull-fucking-shit ending the director, Alexandre Aja, pulled on us. Let me tell you, we were PISSED, PO-ed, hacked off, aaangry. We spent a good half hour, maybe more, bitching about what an utter disappointment that movie was and finally came to the conclusion that nothing is quite so upsetting in the movie watching realm than to have such a well-made, extremely promising movie wait until 4/5ths of the way through and then just turn around and take a dump in your DVD player with some made-up, cheating, stupid-ass ending. Seriously. Did I mention PISSED? Which doesn't bode well for that new Hills Have Eyes movie does it? Anyway. We were having said big frenzied discussion about how hard it is to make a good horror/slasher flick and what people do to make them terrible and blah de blah when of course I strayed into the its-got-to-be-something-the-viewer-can-relate-to realm and BAM we were off. Again with my, it's better when it's more true to life and screw the neat little bows and always with his the characters have to make some sort of arc for me to be invested. Clearly an argument that will never be settled between us. But it's good, it's nice that we don't agree on everything because how can you have discussions with a person everyday when all you say is, "Wow. I totally agree. Next?" Bor-ing.

Yes, I'm glad we discuss. In fact, just last night we had a great conversation going that ended so beautifully.

BB: "If that were true, then a person with an IQ of 40 could become president."

<pause>

Me: "Aha! Slam dunk!"

Point? Nah, not today. I'm too excited about going home tonight (Friday night, I might add), ordering a pizza and watching the season finale of Battlestar. You know, I don't think I've been this in love with a TV show since 7th He21 Jump Street.

Ha! I've just outed myself as a geek AND old. Good one, Peter.

Illustration from Gaping Void.

Poor man's Conan?

Being the ever hip goddess that I am, I stayed in last night and caught up on some TV watching. I flipped through the 5-6 HBO channels we have and of course nothing current was on. In fact, the best option available during prime time last night was Beastmaster. Yes, the one from 1982.

What is UP with the movies from the early 80s populating the so-called premium channels? Stripes (1981) was on the other night, as well as Cannonball Run (1981). I have NO idea what my close to $100 a month is going towards. I mean, Hello, they cancelled most of the good Original Series. [Side Note: Do the Rome opening credits remind anyone else of Carnivale's? Or is it just me?] I mean, have you seen The Comeback? My God, that voice, it makes my ears bleed. I feel I must demand a pie chart explaining exactly where my dollars are going! In the meantime, I'm counting down the days until Porky's makes its grand re-debut.

So, anyway, like I said, I was watching Beastmaster last night and noticed some things that I thought I should share/get some answers on:

• Marc Singer circa 1982 is super cut! Of course there are numerous scenes showcasing his flexing ability (check it -->), all of which made me laugh.

• The movie's tag line reads, "The courage of an eagle, the strength of a panther, and the power of a god." Uh, that was unmistakably a painted tiger not a panther. Who made that casting decision? And where do the ferrets come in there? Don't tell me they're the "power of a god" part. That would be ridiculous.

• Speaking of the beasts, why does Dar caw in Eagle-ese but does not Ferret-squeak or TigerPanther-roar? Why does the eagle get special treatment? That totally smacks of favoritism to me.

• Also, if he can "share thoughts" with the beasts, why does he name them? Don't you think they would have told him their names themselves?

• Most importantly, is not Dar one of the best freakin' names ever? I mean, how awesome is that?! You gotta love the onomatopoeia there. And yes, (Beard Boy) I think "dar" is a sound.  I'm so going to name my next pet Dar.

While researching this post, I found out that they were going to make a new "V," The Second Generation. Of course, just mentioning this belies both my age and my dorkiness. Nevertheless, I had to mention how sad I am that it didn't work out. I mean, look how great Battlestar is going. It could have been genius...or something.

Hump! Review

This post may not be for everyone as it contains Mature Language and Situations.

If you do decide to proceed, I suggest you follow Dan Savage's advice:
"Coats in laps."

Now, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep

Depending on my mood, Happy Gilmore is either my favorite or second favorite movie of all time. 

Gilmore is clearly Adam Sandler’s best movie.  Some people, I won’t name names, feel that Billy Madison is the better movie.  Now, while I feel Madison is hilarious, it doesn’t even come close to the comic genius that is Gilmore.

Anyway, my point is that because of Gilmore, I give every Sandler movie a screening.  In fact, I went to see The Longest Yard last night.  With each movie, though, I have been feeling that Sandler has been straying further and further from his base.  I recently read an article that articulated my feelings about it perfectly.  Here is an excerpt:

“But Sandler has been wrong to lose touch with the boneheads and boobs who made him famous in the first place…We need someone to make dumb comedies that both smart and dumb people can enjoy. And if Adam Sandler would quit trying to get more famous by making middle-of-the-road airplane movies instead of spectacularly wrong failures that turn into beloved cult hits on DVD -- if he could get busted down to where he could make more Billy Madisons and more Happy Gilmores -- we'd all be better off.”